Dear God I can’t even look at my phone at work, where am I going to hide a flask?!?!

So I’m pretty sure it’s official that I hate my job. I came to that conclusion while sobbing on the phone first to my husband and then to my mom while driving home from yet another mind numbing, long ass day.  I’ve been trying to talk myself into it for a while and that things will get better and blah blah blah but I’m pretty sure that I’m trying to force a square peg into a round hole… and by square peg I mean someone that needs to breathe without so many freaking ANAL RETENTIVE RULES!!!  It’s not hard work by any stretch of the imagination nor is it anything that I can’t learn or do, but when you start fantasizing about just where people can stick retainers it’s not a good sign.   I need to start playing the lotto and maybe reconsider resurrecting my porn career.

So I guess its back to the drawing board… at least this way I have a steady pay check until I can find something else. My husband told me I could just find another job (not sure what I would do without those helpful words of wisdom) but now I’ve gotten to the point where I kinda doubt myself and my choices… after all I thought this one was a good fit. GRRR I hate the unknown, but I know myself and I know what I hate even more is being stuck in a job where I feel powerless, mislead and unappreciated.  Why oh why didn’t I stick to my high school plan of marrying a rich old man (kidding)  at least they didn’t order me the ugly uniform tops yet *silver lining*.  I’m totally dipping into my plane ride ration of Xanex tomorrow.

I owe my soul to the company store… (or orthodontic office in this case)

*going to apologize in advance if this doesn’t make sense I’m on a lot of drugs.

I managed to survive my first week of work (barely) I wouldn’t recommend starting a new job with a sinus infection and an ear infection… just an FYI in case you didn’t know that. BUT so far things are ok, just going to take some time to get over my spoiled princess role in my last job… going from working with someone for a long time where you knew all the little quirks, to a new office with a whole set of new quirks is pretty strange to say the least.  Also remembering to be nice to people …

I’m pretty pleasant normally so it’s not like its hard exactly, but I mean remembering to ask them about their day and holiday plans and blah blah blah… and then pretending to care and repeating my holiday plans over and over again… don’t get me wrong I can BS with the best of them and I’m not afraid to drag out a conversation but MAN it wears on you!!! (as my friend Steph would say: I’ve been drinking the “haterade”) but UG how many times can you have the same conversation... I've already branched out a little and a nice little bonus- found a jewelry maker (score!) It’s also ruined all my shopping experiences in stores… now when I’m in Publix and they asked me what my plans were for Thanksgiving, all I could think about was some marketing person told her to say that to “connect with the consumer”… I feel cheated  and needless to say my shopping was less of a pleasure! ;)

But the good news is none of this is particularly hard and I’m sure it will be even easier when I’m not hacking up internal organs, hopefully week 2 is pretty smooth sailing, now if I could just talk them into getting a Keurig I’d be set I mean who isn’t nicer with coffee!

I’ve got my hushpuppies on I guess I never was meant for glitter rock and roll…

So come Monday I’ll be starting a new job for the first time in like 8 years… and I’m freaking out just a smidge.  Not only is it the whole learning curve thing, but new people women, yup all women in this office and that terrifies me. I’ve worked plenty of jobs in the past with women and it’s always a tricky balance. Sometimes everyone gets along great and in fact some of my best friends are women I worked with and then you have those other times were it seems like “Clash of the Titans” meets “Cat Scratch Fever” and its U-G-L-Y…

I have lots of girl friends (see my last post) but I’ll tell you, one thing they all have in common is they aren’t insecure about who they are and I love that about them. Each one of them is different and wonderful in their own ways.  One of the hardest things about dealing with women is when they have no sense of “self” and boy does it carry over when they meet someone who does. So I’ll just apologize in advance now for my: hair, makeup, jewelry, body, attitude, clothes, breathing (you get the point).  I’m sure there are worst things in life then being sized up and dismissed by another woman either because you are too pretty, not pretty enough, dressed to slutty, or not slutty enough (the list can go on and on) but it still wears you down and makes you question “is it me?”  So I’m going to answer it for you: NOPE!  It’s never you and it’s always her…

I’ve seen it happen right before my own eyes to my friends, I’ve had it happen to me and at the end of the day what it boils down to is that beotch wishes she was as fabulous as you and you should own it… and then come hang out with me because I’m probably going to need all the new friends I can get since I’m sure no one in my new office is going to like me (I kid I kid) Actually I’m sure they are all really nice women and I’m really looking forward to starting a new adventure… and if they don’t like me for the awesomeness I’m bringing to their office then it’s their problem because I know myself and I own it! ;)

And you thought you hated the dentist!

So a little while ago I was sitting in the pediatric dentist office while my kids were getting their teeth cleaned and I happened upon a situation that was just begging to be blogged about. This poor mom of 4 kids, 3 of which were actually there for the dentist and one that was too little, so if my estimations were right she had 4 kids all 5 and under! Enough to drive anyone bonkers and the fact that she also spoke in such a low and even keel tone made me want to ask her what she was on and who her doctor was so I could score some.

SO here is the scene as it unfolded: The youngest kid, who had to be about 18 months or so had apparently thrown up and couldn’t go to his day care. Mistake #1, cancel the freaking dentist they will get over it! BUT apparently she was under the impression the whole waiting room wanted his germs so she was there like a champ. At some point that morning she had grabbed her husband’s phone so she had called him at work to come and get it and the baby and take him to the pediatrician who is located right down the street (which is also mine so I might get to witness another show at some point) Meanwhile her phone is also blowing up because of some problem she is having at work, so her husband shows up to get the baby, and the 2^nd youngest kid that was already done and take them both to the pediatrician while she waits and is dealing with her work issues. She was actually gamely trying to work out whatever the issue was and was asking him what he could take off and help with. He responded with “I wasn’t planning on taking off the whole day”, to which I would have thrown his phone at him, but she actually took that pretty well instead of screaming at him why he thought his job was more important (told you she had good drugs) She eerily  pretty calmly started calling around for a sitter… SO just when you think this guy is in the clear she drops a bomb on him (to which we all in the waiting room can hear) she asks him in front of everyone there: “would you have come up here if I didn’t have your phone?” Mistake #2, ever heard the phrase ask a stupid question….  To which he responds “well, probably not” Mistake #3- what a freaking dumbass!! LIE TO HER YOU IDIOT!!  She then looks at me and asks me if I could believe he just said that… I was pretending to read a magazine and trying to look like I wasn’t eavesdropping on her (but hey don’t live it out right in front of me if you don’t want me to blog about it). I told her the same thing I tell all of my girlfriends which is: “he has a penis”  seems to answer pretty much any dumb male thing…

 I looked at this whole situation from a bunch of different angles and actually ran it past a few males to get their opinions. I really can’t tell you who is more to blame in this situation… I can understand her frustration and desire to ask a question like that… and I can understand his “I was only being honest” answer which I’m sure he clung to like a drowning man that night as she ripped him a new one… but my professional opinion on this is they are both morons! She really shouldn’t have asked that question because she KNEW what he was going to say, and he never should have answered it truthfully because all it was going to do was piss her off… At the end of the day all she was looking for was some support which she was obviously not getting from him. The secret correct answer to this entire debacle would have been for him to not even answer, give her a hug and tell her they would work out the babysitting issue and everything would be fine… and they act like we are so hard to figure out!

Where my girls at…

I jumped on the bandwagon on facebook today for all the Thanksgiving thankfulness… which since I’m such a non conformist normally is kinda weird for me, but hey we all have our sentimental moments and I probably have low blood sugar or something… But I can without a doubt say I don’t know where I would be without my girls!

I’m so grateful for all my girl friends and the strengths I see in them that inspire me to be a better person. Like my dear friend whose husband left after years of being married and everyday is a struggle but she gets up and faces it with a smile, her spirit is undeniable! Or my old friend whose husband has made a TON of mistakes and she stuck by him and has helped him through so much, her well of strength floors me and I can honestly say  I don’t think I have it in me to do half the stuff she has.

 My friend who embraces life to the fullest and is collecting every story for her tell all book one day J which has inspired me to write when I can.  The one that has got it together better than I could ever hope to, I hope to raise my daughter to follow in her footsteps. The one that set out to attain her goals and has never let anything stand in the way of her success J just being around her makes me tired and appreciate her type A personality.  My two dear friends that made up our little trio and no matter what would never judge and would only offer solutions to problems and a listening ear whenever it was needed. 

To my one that lives far away, but no matter how far we always pick up right where we left off and the one that I hardly ever see, but it never seems to matter when we are together. My one that moved across country for her career and is so completely sure of herself that I often try to think about how she would handle situations and emulate her.  My one that is always willing to tell me her opinion on how to handle things but is never offended when I don’t necessarily take it.  And to the sister of my heart that has supported me through thick and thin, has laughed and cried with me and will always be there for me. 

I’m truly blessed to have my girls and I hope that they feel blessed to have me, not only because of how much I love them but because they are all a part of me and make up the story of me. I often borrow on their strengths and determination to handle my life situations and I hope I can do them proud. J

Missed me, missed me….

Back my popular demand… If you count one person asking me why I have been so lazy about writing lately popular J 

I have been a super slacker lately… honestly not going anywhere anymore except to drop the kids off at school and to the mall and grocery store doesn’t give me the most scintillating experiences to write about … don’t get me wrong, I love having a clean house and not feeling like I’ve been pulled in 20 different directions during the day, but some days are pretty stir crazy.  SO I’m making a Halloween resolution (yes they have those, it’s the Wiccan New Year after all) to do better and write about something even if it’s my trials in laundry management and the fact that the guy in the ice cream shop wouldn’t stop talking to me (both true scenarios) Maybe something interesting will start happening to me if life knows I’m on the lookout for stuff to write about. J

The most wonderful time of the year…

I live in a football house… my husband breathes it, the kids have been indoctrinated already at their young ages (although I tend to accessorize them) and I have over the years shed my priss-pot ways to take an interest in the NFL… also to have a good reason to buy cute Buc’s gear

Aren't we stylin!

With that said because I’m an AWESOME wife I often try not to ignore my husband too much when he talks to me about stuff I don’t care about, like college football for starters… If it’s not going to score me points in my fantasy football league then I don’t give a (fill in the blank) BUT I do try to engage him (see above awesome wife statement) so our conversations tend to go like this:

Kenny: Boise State has ugly uniforms

Me: (because now this has aroused my fashion gene) Ummm yeah, plus why are they wearing the Gator’s colors

Kenny: Those are their colors too; it’s just not normally as horrible as a blue

Me: (light bulb) OHHHHH are they the ones that have the blue field? Where all the birds fly into it because they think its water

Kenny: Yes, stupid birds that’s survival of the fittest…

Me: no that’s completely unfair they should be made to change the color, nowhere in nature is there blue grass like that

Kenny: it’s only the stupid ones that do it, not all the birds fly into it

Me: not all the birds fly over it… I think it’s wrong I’m going to start a petition, those poor birds think they are flying into water and BAM!

Kenny:  you don’t even like birds

(Which is true kinda although I do love all animals I don't want to see them smashed into a field!)

I’m not really going to start one, college football doesn’t interest me enough to really care, but I do think it’s really wrong of them! In the same way that I made my husband throw back the bait fish he caught when we were at the beach, I’m always going to take the side of the animals (even the stupid ones)



See grossly unfair!!!



 I kinda wish I had a cute segue into people who cheer for colleges they didn’t go to, but I’ve probably alienated enough of my audience for the night… 

 P.S. I Wikipedia'd "The Blue", apparently dead birds is an urban ledged except for one poor duck... but the NFL has made a rule where green is the only color allowed for a field which they called "The Boise" rule ... all the more reason the NFL is better. Also I'm definitely not starting a petition... one duck that’s just crazy talk, you would need like a bald eagle at least! No one cares about ducks except University of Oregon… and wouldn’t that be ironic if they had the blue field. 

P.P.S. Someone called it "Smurf Turf" which is totally better then "The Blue"

Sorry Ma’am we don’t want your kind

So I’ve been a major slacker lately on my blogging… so to all of my fans my mom I apologize…  It’s been pretty busy getting everyone back to school and settled… good thing I don’t have a job I’d go nuts!

Speaking of job hunting I clicked on a post on good ole Craigs List today for an egg donor… because hey I could use $5,000-$10,000 dollars and LOW AND BEHOLD I’m actually too old to be considered! Talk about a blow to the ego!! Now that I’m 30 I’m past my baby making prime years … the age ranges were 20-28, I guess those are the prime eggs! Never mind that the lady in Nordstroms said I looked 24 on Friday it’s all about the young internally so I guess I will have to find another way to keep my external package looking young… they also said you have to be enrolled in college or have a degree and they have weight and height requirements so I’m going to go out on a limb and say I wouldn’t qualify for any of it… in other words MAJOR FAIL, their loss though my kids are wicked cute J

I will say I used to think that I’d go crazy being at home all the time (I know I know short trip) but I have to admit I could get used to this! I like having time to clean and organize my house … the down side I’m pretty sure my husband feels like he doesn’t have to lift a finger anymore except for the yard and the trash (man’s work in this house) but the extra chores are worth it for the time being, I actually get a morning to myself to hit some sales racks tomorrow…  wonders never cease!

why yes you can see my ID

So earlier this weekend I was baking cupcakes for my son’s party and listening to the Buc’s game with my husband (because I’m an awesome wife… and I have my own fantasy football team) when the guest commentator, who happened to be Urban Meyer said something that I just couldn’t stop thinking about. He was talking about the rookie players, since that’s what pre-season games are all about, and he said that he had a different mindset at 25 then at 40, and even a different one from 40 to 51 (which was his current age). Now I get that he was talking about injuries and perception of being invincible when you are young… but to me that seems like a no brainer. Of course you have a different mindset from your 20’s… you aren’t even the same person!

I often tell my husband despite of all flaws that he might like to pinpoint in me, he still married me and he knew what I was like… but I wonder if that’s really a fair statement. He married the almost 23 year old girl that still had Converse left over from high school (still do actually) and used to love nothing more than to hang with friends and shop, watch movies and lay out by the pool… today he is married to a 30 year old woman who is obsessed with eye cream and now only gets to hang with friends when they bring their kids and then mine are distracted enough to let me have a few minutes of adult time. That 23 year old is still there (she’s just buried under stretch marks) but my priorities have changed and so have I… so you would think he would cut me some freaking slack on the eye cream! Even as flattering as it is to be carded out in public sometimes (or at Target even though they make everyone) sometimes in the back of my mind makes me wonder if I acted a certain way to make someone think I was that young… but most of the time I just tell myself the eye cream is doing it’s job and move on. I have no desire to act, dress or pretend to be an age I’m not. I’ve learned my lessons this far and I wouldn’t change any of them good or bad, they make up who I am today. I hope by the time I’m 51 I’ll look back on my 30’s and still be happy with the lessons I’ve learned and the person I have become… and I REALLY hope my husband comes to terms with my awesomeness because I’m pretty sure that like a fine wine I’m only going to get better with age… and he is in for it J

Beach or bust!

So this week we are heading off to the beach to stay and I’m so excited because one of my favorite things to do is lay around in the sun and do nothing… and if my friends happen to come over and do nothing with me it’s even sweeter!! As my dear friend says even though it’s bad for you, nothing feels as good… and besides you know you need the Vitamin D

So as I was making a grocery list sitting with my husband talking about what we wanted to eat and what junk food we wanted to have since it’s our vacation and I don’t normally allow that stuff in the house, we have the follow conversation:

Kenny: Bring all the alcohol in the house too

Me: Lush… what kind do you want because I’m going to buy wine when we get there (proceeds to write wine on the top of the list followed by ice cream because that’s how we roll on vacation)

Kenny: oh I’m sure you will be getting wine

Me: Oh yes it will be boughten

Kenny: I don’t think that’s a word

Me: yes huh, it’s totally a word… like gotten

Kenny: I don’t think so… is this what happen to the wine we already had ( he swears he is funny)

Me: I’m looking it up

So I did and as it turns out it’s a dialect word and it was in the “Little House on the Prairie” book series so I feel completely justified in my usage … he didn’t really believe me but since we have these arguments habitually its really nothing new. Thank God for google so I can bask in my superiority…. Or so I can hear about it the rest of my life if I’m wrong… I wonder if other people are as crazy as we are sometimes, but then I look at my friends and think “yup they totally are” J

 Peace, love and sunshine my friends, hope you all have a chance to lay around and do nothing this week with me.  

Take a sip my pretty!!!

Continuing  on my current job searching theme I’ll continue to bore you guys with the details of what I’m seeing out there… and it ain’t pretty!  Apparently I’m qualified for the following: cook, house cleaner, baby sitter, hair stylist, nurse, web cam star (oh yeah I’m sure the world wants to see these stretch marks), security officer, seamstress, realtor, teacher, apartment painter, waitress, sales, pool man, pizza maker and my own personal favorite: at home wine taster (which I’m pretty sure I might be already?)  Wait these were just the listings for part-time in the job postings… Crap I think I might be going about this the wrong way…

Actually honest to God there was a post for “Gregarious wine tasters” to present wine to your fellow wine lovers and then you get commission on what they buy…. So you are basically inviting over your wino friends, getting them drunk and forcing them to then buy this wine to support your habit… seems about right to me J I’ve had jewelry, candle and “toy” parties in the past that always included lots of wine… this is like cutting out the middle man!! If these poor upscale wine makers in California only knew the screw top, 4 dollar bottle of Wild Vines that has been my favorite for years they would probably run screaming back to Napa and hide in their Spanish inspired, arch filled architecture.  Since all I pretty much know about wine falls between  “me likey adult juice” and “a whole bottle doesn’t go as far as is used to” I graciously passed on applying for this one… after all I can’t really afford to be a snob about wine and I’m really already high maintenance enough (just ask my husband)

The more I think about it, maybe I should combine the wine tasting with the web cam model and kill 2 birds… just think of all the creative product placement… I’ll pitch that idea to the respective parties tomorrow… my gifted teacher in 3^rd grade once told my mom that one day someone was going to pay me the big bucks for ideas, maybe this is my destiny finally coming through, or I’ve just been drinking too many wine sulfites.

Not sure I’m cut out for this thing you call a “job”

So I went to my very first interview today in 8 years… while it went really well I feel like I really didn’t communicate well to my potential employer what he might be taking on with me…  here is my list of requirements for a position:

·         Must have plenty of “downtime” after all I need time to post on Facebook and my blog… my fans need me!

·         Loosely enforced dress code… if I want to roll in with jeans and a tank top on, you should just appreciate the spectacular view of my rack you are probably going to get all day

·         A high end single serve coffee pot is a must have… I need the afternoon pick me up or else you will be pestered for trips to Starbucks… consider yourself warned

·         Dual computer monitors so I can watch TV and have Facebook  email up at the same time

·         Space for my hot pink mirror and hot pink I-pod speakers, a girl needs her own personal touches!

·         Absolutely no manual labor… these are not the hands of someone who moves things for a living!

·         Be ready to agree with me or run the risk of getting the horns… I’ve tried to tell people you mess with the bull enough it’s going to happen, not sure why people don’t believe me

·         About 2 hours of the day I will be engaged in catching up with my girlfriends on the phone, sorry if someone calls that’s what voicemail is for

·         Pretty much free reign of any office situations… I like to be top dog

    

Hope all my potential employers are fans of mine so they can get the rules down now!

Also P.S. if you don’t believe any of this list is true you can call my old boss who despite any of the above still misses me terribly J

Wanted: A job where taking off your clothes is a privilege not necessity

So embarking on a job hunt has been entertaining at the very least… here was a wonderful little gem I stumbled across in craigslist, I’m going to decipher his code for you in red J

Local Business owner seeks a Female (capital F is like a super female right?) for office work and personal assistant position. This is a part time psotion. (Maybe this is why an assistant, to have someone else type)  This is a work at home position.(Your Home!) (duh??) Looking for someone who has computer knowledge and is outgoing.
The job will entail being a personal assistant to my personal needs. (hmmm this is getting weird and slightly creepy)

Research, Marketing, travel arrangements, appointment setting and releiving the daily stresses through giving massages. (WTF!!!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!!)

Please respond with a resume/experience, a little about you, (like what? I like long walks on the beach?)  your ability to handleEACH of the tasks (ok double entendre)  and hourly salary requirements. Interviews will be set up this week. Age (over 18) (uh yeah over 18 because it’s kinda like a hooker assistant) Unimportant (oh wait so old hookers are ok?)

Ok does this post not sound like it should be started with “Dear Playboy” or what!!! So let me get this straight: First you can work from your home, but you have to be around to “assist” in “personal needs”  (isn’t that kinda of redundant - personal assistant) how are you supposed to work from your own home and give awesome stress relieving massages i.e. happy endings… I’m surprised there was no request for a picture with this one, because honestly I was expecting a P.S. of no fatties allowed at the bottom.

Here would be my response to him:

Dear DB poster ,

Since I have a healthy self esteem I don’t feel the need to list out reasons why I would make a great personal assistant- to assist you in your “personal needs” like you have requested. No amount of money on the face of the earth could make me ever want to “releive” anything on or around your person.  While I’m sure the stress of simply being you is enough to cause horrible muscular spasms, the thought of being around your shear ickyness makes me want to vomit, which would for sure ruin your massages for good. Please do humanity a favor and remove yourself from public places where you might have to have contact with anyone ever!

Sincerely,

The most grossed out Female searcher

Honestly the audacity of people is astounding! Hopefully the next post marked sexual slave will have more possibilities then this one did!

WTF Life I already told you no more lemons!!!!!!

So to top off my already semi crappy week, upon arriving at work yesterday I was told that effective immediately my position was being eliminated… so pretty much pack your sh*t and get out. Needless to say it was a long day and while I held it together for the most part, the simple unfairness of it was killing me. I liked my job, I was good at it and I really loved my boss; the thought of working somewhere else after so many years is a little daunting and extremely unappealing. Luckily I have a little bit of time to look and find a good fit for me and I’m grateful I’m married to someone who is ok with me working part-time. SOOOOOOO in the mean time I have created a to do list to pass the time:

·         Update my facebook employer status to Super Blogger Extraordinaire

·         Rearrange my entire house daily so my husband is confused when he walks in at night

·         Work on my tan lines J

·         Get caught up on all my magazines besides the ones that have sexy titles

·         Think of more creative excuses for not working out

·         Explore new ways to save money by making my own bread, yogurt, cheese, butter, etc.

·         Creatively loaf at all my friend’s houses who are also home during the days

I’m confident that something will come up that is right for me, but until then I’m going to enjoy having a clean house and time with my kids.

Dear Life, I don’t even like lemons!!!

Been hurting about a few things the past few days and while I wish it wasn’t so, the reality of life is sometimes stuff happens and people do things that we don’t understand, and can’t do anything about. Since this is my blog though I can at least vent about it and maybe someone else can help their hurts too. This whole situation really makes me want to revert back to my teenage self and stay in my bed listening to “Everybody Hurts” on my I-pod (well teenage Mandi had a Discman) but unfortunately my kids still have to eat and my husband does have to work (actually so do I… man being an adult sucks sometimes) So I have to keep reminding myself that I can only control me and people are going to do what they are going to do, they have made their choices and I have made mine.  Sometimes the best and hardest thing we can do is to let go and move on. The Serenity Prayer keeps running through my mind but I found this as an old Mother Goose rhyme and it seems to fit.

For every ailment under the sun

There is a remedy, or there is none;

If there be one, try to find it;

If there be none, never mind it.

(W.W. Bartley)

So I’m working on never minding it and reminding myself that time and distance heal a lot of things including my heavy heart… not to mention trying to get rid of that song stuck in my head! Where is my angry girl music when I need it! (says teenage Mandi- Alanis rocks!!)

My EveDallasSookieStackhouseRachelMorganCatCrawfordRileyJensonMacKaylaLane loving behind…

Not so long ago I was reading someone else’s blog who I generally really like and enjoy, however this particular post was about “chick porn” and in it she was comparing romance novels to actual porn stating that it gives women unrealistic expectations like pornography does for men…. Well I responded to her that I really disagreed, but something happened to her blog and my responses were lost which was kinda a pisser since I thought I had really good points… SO now that this is MY blog I can talk about whatever I want so here is it…

I’m going to start this with I read A LOT… anyone who knows me, knows this and I’m all over the place with my reading, I enjoy mysteries and gritty crime novels, to some urban fantasy and nonfiction… and even romance novels *gasps dramatically* . So I also feel like I have a really fair point of view about “bodice rippers” as a friend of mine I used to work with called romance novels. Are they unrealistic… yes its called FICTION… If you are getting an unrealistic view of men because you are reading too many romance novels, then you also need to stop watching TV and any romantic movies as well. Horror movies are fine because they tend to kill off anyone that has sex so that’s completely realistic. Also you will need to avoid some classics as well… because Lord Byrons and Edward Rochesters are all over the place just waiting to sweep you off your governess feet… my point to the original blogger was just because I read mysteries it doesn’t make me think I’m Sherlock Holmes (although I think I’d be awesome) nor would reading some urban fantasy make me want to be a vampire or werewolf… trying to compare a full blown novel that is obviously fiction, to a photograph or video of airbrush and touched up porn stars is like comparing apples to naked chicks, and I don’t think it’s giving women enough credit. Is it unrealistic to expect men to sweep you off your feet and take care of you in a lifestyle where you will never have to work again and have every whim obeyed, yes it is just a smidge ( man I’m such a dream killer) … it’s not unrealistic though to watch my husband play Barbies with our daughter, to have him unload the dishwasher or to maybe bring me home grocery store flowers… but who would want to read a book about all that… it’s real life and wonderful to me but it’s BORING!!! So even as I write this I’m bidding on a lot of books off of Ebay because real life also consists of a budget and I’m not going to stop reading my unrealistic books with completely unrealistic characters, life is hard enough let me get my Hercule Poirot on and read what I want to read without someone pointing out the flaws… I’m already wise to them I’m a real detective after all

My 30 days of 30… or what my husband just calls my birthday

This year was my 30^th birthday so because there are 30 days in June I decided to celebrate the entire month. (Or what my husband will tell you in the 11 years we have been together that I do every year, but whateves it’s not my fault I’m an only child and expect to be doted on… but that’s another post for another day) HOWEVER this year I did name it and post it all on Facebook for the world to see. One of my good friends who turned 30 about two weeks after me and adopted my same plan had the great idea to take a picture a day as well… so I now have a photo album with 29 pictures in it of fun things I have done for the month. Today is my last day to celebrate so I’m doing something character motivated to sum up my older and wiser-ness. After being a bit of a chicken for a few weeks I’m pushing past my fears and using my final 30^th day of 30 to post my blog for everyone to see. (Well at least anyone who happens to friend me on Facebook that is)

Celebrating my birthday for 30 days was actually harder then I thought it would be (contrary to what my husband might tell you) Anyone who is a parent knows how hard it is to carve out anytime for yourself, never mind trying to come up with something fun for 30 days straight! But I sucked it up and managed to get through it (note the sarcasm)

I will say it was a good reminder to me that I alone control my happiness and if being excited about finding Godiva on clearance at Target makes my day that much brighter who am I to argue with that… the small things in everyday life are what keep you grounded. So while my 30 days of 30 are officially over at midnight… and 31 days of 31 just doesn’t have that special ring to it… I hope that will continue to find something special and fun about every day because that’s who I want to be. (I will spare all my friends and family on Facebook though)

Happy Fathers Day... Kinda?

I'm never really sure how I'm supposed to celebrate Mothers Day and Fathers Day. When I was single it was easy I would spend that day or at least part of that day with whichever parent and it was great. Once I got married then it added in a whole other element with in-laws and dividing time between the two families. Now that I'm a parent it gets extra tricky... I feel selfish if I don’t celebrate with my family or allow my husband to spend time with his family, but where in that equation do I fit in? Where is my celebration when I feel like we are traveling between two families with two tired kids? Never mind trying to figure out what to do for my own husband for Fathers Day...
This year had an added benefit of having two extra "parents" to consider. Not that I felt obligated or pressured by them, but somewhere in the back of my conscious was at least a consideration followed by a "crap I should probably have done something" thought in my head. This is rather odd circumstances that Hallmark has truly neglected cards for. Where is my thanks for giving me up for adoption so I could have a better life but Happy Mother's/Father's Day regardless! (I think I need to contact them, I might have a winner there)
All in all I guess it's about balance. For my Mothers Day this year we had a lovely lunch with my parents, and then my husband took the kids to his parents and I got a blissful three hours alone... Happy Mother's Day to me indeed! My poor husband got kinda screwed out of Fathers Day this year working on our bathroom remodel, but we did manage to see both sets of parents in between adventures in drywall = plumbing nightmares... and in the middle of it, I managed to send a heartfelt text to my bio-dad to wish him a Happy Fathers Day too... mission accomplished... sorta.

Not so lost but still found...

I debated starting a blog for a long time, unsure if what I had to say was important to anyone else (and it might not be) and if I really could be creative enough to keep up with it (even though my mom thinks so) but after dealing with some intense issues and looking online and elsewhere for anything that looked even similar to what I was going through and finding nothing I decided to put it out there in what may be only a cathartic experience for me.

Many people over the years know that I was adopted as an infant and raised by my parents. Yes they are my "real" parents, and even though I understand what people mean by asking if I ever wanted to find my "real" parents, it's still hard not to get defensive simply because DNA a parent doesn’t make. Well fast forward 29 years... a long story short I was contacted by my birthmother. That was a major shock to my system to say the least and sent me into what I can only describe as an identity crisis. I've always been the type of person who felt like I knew who I was and all of the sudden I didn't. It was a really stressful and eye opening time for me. I now had a birthmother, birthfather and 6 half siblings between the two of them.... coming from an only child I was completely overwhelmed. I have never thought of myself as a coward but in that moment I was afraid of what I didn't know, how this was going to change my life and what I was going to do with it. See I thought I knew who I was and part of me was the big unknown of my birth family... in fact it was great because on all those forms at the doctors office I would just put a big X through, write adopted next to it and turn them in record time... all of the sudden I had medical histories and people who were complete strangers to me and yet it was important to know this stuff and it freaked me out, part of who I was had changed and there was no going back... but I'd also rather be open to change in my life then stagnant and unwilling to accept something new. I would never want to cheat myself out of the possibilities life had to offer... which was something I had to remind myself over and over again.
I'm grateful to my parents for instilling in me the sense of self and the ability to ask myself is this the person you want to be in this world, because the person I am doesn't want to be someone who runs from difficult situations. For the most part in all of this, the good outweighs the bad, and even though I have days where I wish this had never happened, having people who love you in your life is never a bad thing and you can never have too many of them.

I promise not everything I write will be like this and if I get the courage up to post it (which remember not a coward...hopefully) I hope that someone can see and take something from my experiences and life and use it to better their own.